Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
