I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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