Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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