I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
