you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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