I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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