new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
