you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
