Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
