We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
