I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
