You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
