So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
