apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
