so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
