Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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