We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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