totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
