i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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