I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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