Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
