He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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