I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
