Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
