Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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