You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
