we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
