I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
