"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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