i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
