I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
