His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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