ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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