Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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