A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
