my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
