At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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