It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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