oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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