it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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