I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
