It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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