btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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