the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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