sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize