Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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