i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
