Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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