He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
