Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
