You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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