Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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