I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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