the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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