My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
