Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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