She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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