I'm jealous of your bromance
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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