I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize