I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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