What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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