i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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