YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
