oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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