i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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