well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
tell me about the fingering
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