Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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