Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
