I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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