Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
