That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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