Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
