I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
