Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize