She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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