My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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