I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
