yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
