i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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