Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
