um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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