turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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