Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
