my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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