How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize