do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
