I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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