I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
