I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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