I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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