Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
