Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
